The Gentle Approach

Well, we failed The Ferber Method - twice - and I just don't have the determination to make it through even a single night more of kicking and screaming. I can't figure him out or how to make this method work on such a stubborn little boy. So, last week I devised a new plan. It is gentle, so very, very gentle. It's nearly two months long IF every thing goes according to my plan. He's 7 1/2 months old now and the sense of urgency is setting in. This being my second time around, I know that it only gets harder the older he gets. He could begin crawling and pulling himself up any day now, so I must get this child sleeping in his own bed for the whole night through.
My biggest challenge happens most nights by 11:00. He wakes and kicks and cries, we shhh, he cries more, we shhh and hope and pray, he refuses to comply, we rock him, he sleeps - immediately, we hold him for various intervals of time, we lay him down, he kicks and wakes. Some nights we do this just once, some nights we try up to five times. The outcome is always the same, Adam makes up the couch for yet another night of sleep and I snuggle up close to my little cuddle bug. On the rare occasion that he actually does stay asleep past my bedtime, I find myself lying awake for hours waiting and waiting for the impeding awakening.
So, now the crib is next the bed, right next to me. We couldn't get any closer without being in the same bed. It's been this way for almost a week and yet nothing had changed until last night. Last night, I managed to keep him awake during his bedtime feeding and laid him in his bed to go to sleep. It actually worked!! I sang him to sleep with my arm tucked around him like I always have it when we sleep together. Then to my surprise he STAYED asleep until I went to bed, then had a period of fitful sleep for a couple hours until I took him to the rocker for a feeding. I was also surprised when I was able to lay him back in his crib after feeding him. So, when he woke me at 7:15 this morning. I was in my bed and he was in his bed. Now, was that so hard, you little stinker?
I tried the same method of putting him to sleep for his naps today, but failed - twice. The morning nap was more the fault of me and the little miss. She had to pee, I forgot his medicine, she had to pee again. After that, he was just too frustrated to sleep. By afternoon naptime, he hadn't forgotten and cried and cried. I gave in after 10 minutes and rocked him to sleep. Let's hope he lets me stick to my plan for bedtime tonight. After all I am trying my hardest and then some. Please, work with me here, Buddy, I'm trying to be nice!

There's a New Star in Town

It has been a long time since I have posted anything to this blog; probably over a year. But I have a good reason. Sleep in our house became effortless for us all. At 11 months old we used the Ferber method on Claire and she responded wonderfully and very quickly. From that time on, she slept like a dream. 8:00 pm until 7-8:00 am. We have had minor bumps in the road, a few rough nights here and there, but overall she turned out to be a great sleeper. Last year at this time I was in my first trimester of my second pregnancy and I was enjoying getting a good amount of sleep which was certainly needed. I slept 8-9 hours at night and took a nap when Claire went down for her morning nap. What bliss!
Her good sleep habits suffered a minor glitch once there was a baby in the house, but overall she kept right on being a good sleeper. I was sure that my newborn son was going to develop good sleep habits right from the start. After all, I was now an experienced mommy. Boy, was I ever wrong.
When Lucas was 4 months old, I was making small talk with a mother of another 4 month old (about our babies, of course). She commented on how her little girl was sleeping straight through the night until a week ago when she started waking for a feeding at 3 or 4 am. She didn't get any sympathy from me since Lucas had been waking about 4 times each night since we brought him home. It was then that I realized that my 4 month old was still sleeping like a newborn. No wonder I was so exhausted that by 2:00 pm I could hardly muster the energy to tell Claire no for the hundredth time that day. The time of living life as a zombie was supposed to be a distant memory by now. Not an everyday occurrence. I knew that it was time to make a change.

The Sleep Lady Shuffle was working wonderfully and exactly as it was mapped out to work in the book, but then life happened. We went away for a weekend, then she got another cold and before I knew it we were completely off track and I was rocking her to sleep for each nap and bed time again. I figured that we were just going to have to start from square one, but a VERY surprising thing happened and then it happened again.
Lately, I've been having a difficult time rocking her to sleep or even to a drowsy state. It's taking a long time - 20 minutes or more. Her whole body just keeps moving. The past few nights she has not needed much from me at all. I hear her wake and moan, maybe cry a little, a few times, but then she just goes back to sleep. (Yes, I do hear angels singing each time that happens!) So, Monday I decided to try something new. Just before getting to my frustrated state, you know where I've rocked and sang for 20 minutes and the feet are still kicking, I laid her down. I sat in the glider and sang our special song just once, then I left the room without being noticed. It took about 15-20 minutes, but she put herself to sleep! Tuesday, I was forced to do this again since she simply wouldn't settle down and it worked in 15-20 minutes. Today, I used this technique twice. I was a little on the frustrated side for nap #1 and instead of sitting in there I walked out, but 15 minutes later she was asleep. Unfortunately, I tried this at bedtime too and after 10 minutes she was getting so worked up that I went back in and rocked her. It took about 10 minutes to get her to sleep, then she woke when I laid her down. I could feel the frustration starting to creep in, so I left her in her crib and opted to sit next to it and sing. She was out in just a few minutes.
All in all, she has been making EXCELLENT progress in her sleep habits. It is refreshing and wonderful to sleep through the night. Oh, dreams and complete sleep cycles, how I missed you. However, as wonderful as this is, I am a little sad because tonight I realized that if I am laying her down to fall asleep and I'm not picking her up during the night to help her get back to dreamland, then when will I hold her in peaceful slumber and stare at the most beautiful sight in the world? I suppose I can always lengthen the amount of time that I spend standing over her crib watching for the rhythmic breathing and thanking God for this precious gift as I always do before crawling into my own bed each night. This should suffice. After all, isn't this what I've been striving towards for the past 9 months.

cash, check, or cuddles??

Some may wonder what is so wonderful about having kids and in middle of a meltdown in line at the grocery store when I'm exhausted, starving, and wishing that I could have a meltdown myself, I sometimes wonder too, but when day is done and she is all settled and ready for sleep, she rests her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes making me feel so content and blessed that this is what my life has come to be. I am woken up just about every night to a crying baby who just wants her mommy to hold her...and to be rocked...and her pacifier...and her ducky, but that's all. I treasure those moments, tedious as it is most of the time, they are sometimes the best part of my day. Sure, I hope that she will soon change her night sleep habits so I can finally sleep through the night, but until then, I will enjoy them as best I can.

starting over

I was so happy with the progress we were making with nap time, but then Thursday came. We went to Refresh in the morning and she fell asleep in the car on the way home. She took a wonderful 2 hour+ nap. Later that day I went for a walk and she fell asleep in the stroller for about 30 minutes. After allowing her to fall asleep while on the move I did not have an easy time on Friday. She took 2 half hour naps that day. I NEEDED her to sleep longer for quite a few reasons: (1) I was spoiled from the previous 2 days, (2) I had to pack because we were going away for the weekend, (3) I tried 5 times to get her to nap only being successful twice. She kept telling me she was tired so I kept trying - big mistake. That only gets me frustrated. So, Friday didn't go my way. Since we were in Tecumseh for the weekend I let her fall asleep for all but 1 nap in the car. Saturday she took her usual 3-30 minute naps and Sunday she didn't get a chance to sleep until we were driving home from church. She was still talking to herself when we turned down their street and by the time we got out of the car she was out cold. She slept for 2 hours with the help of the white noise. Then took another hour nap on the drive home.

I thought I was using the "No Cry Sleep Solution" method of getting her to fall asleep on her own, but after skimming the book as a refresher I realized that I am in fact using the Sleep Lady Shuffle. Very similar concepts, except that with the no cry the parent makes the call on how quickly to move. I would rather not have another thing to debate and question myself over so I'm going with the sleep lady who says to move every 3 days. She's doing great! I found that I might be waiting just a bit too long to lay her down so last night I tried to get her eased into bed when she was still just a teensy bit more awake. I ended up having to sit by her crib for 30 minutes, but amazingly it still worked. I decided not to confuse things with nap time and keep the chair in the same place for both naps and bedtime. Monday was a fairly decent day, Tuesday good, today awesome. She took a 2 hour nap this morning and is now at 45 minutes for her 2nd nap. I already cleaned the whole house so I'm pretty much just chillin'. Wow! Really? I'm just sitting here...guilt free. aaahhhh! This is nice. I love nap time.

it's actually working....I think

On Monday, I started using the "No Cry Sleep Solution" techniques for putting Claire to sleep for her naps. I felt like it was a good time to get started since rocking her to sleep was taking much longer than it used to; quite often 20 minutes or so. Here's how it's progressing so far.

Day 1:
Attempt #1 was completely unsuccessful. She slept in until 10:00 this morning so we had a late start on our naps. I rocked her until she was drowsy and then laid her down. To prevent myself from getting frustrated and throwing in the towel on day 1, I set a goal of 20 minutes at the side of the crib. After my allotted time I gave up and figured we'd try again in an hour or so. She was happily playing in the living room at about 3:15 when all of a sudden she had simply had enough. She wailed through her diaper change just desperate to go to sleep. It didn't take more than a minute of rocking once I got her calm and she was out cold. Poor girly. Total nap hours: 1

Day 2:
She slept in today until about 9:00 so we started trying our first nap around 11:00. I rocked her until the little eyes started to close and then laid her down. She woke right up. After 45 minutes of off and on singing, she started crying. It was about time for her to eat...so we gave up. A couple hours later we gave it another shot. I saw my first glimmer of success with this nap. She fell asleep after 20 minutes of singing and slept for her typical 30 minutes. I was going to try again 2 hours later, but Adam came home from work and wanted to go for a walk. I thought she would certainly fall asleep during a long walk, but of course, I was wrong. She stayed wide awake the whole time and enjoyed the ride. Total nap hours: 0.5

Day3:
It was amazing, miraculous even! Two hours after she woke up we went into her room as usual. I rocked her for about 5 minutes and once her eyes closed I carefully laid her down in her crib. I think it helped that I waited just a bit longer than yesterday. She woke up, but I remained calm and kept singing. After about 7 minutes she was out - on her own, in her crib!! She woke briefly after 30 minutes, but went right back to sleep for another 1 1/2 hours. Heaven! About 2 1/2-3 hours after she woke we gave it another try. It went just about the same except that there was a little crying when I laid her down. She slept for another hour. I spent less than an hour total helping her get to sleep today and she took 2 "normal" naps for the second time in at least 4 or 5 months. Total nap hours: 3 hours

I'm hoping for another great day tomorrow, but I will not expect much so that I don't get frustrated. We'll see how she does with me sitting a little ways away from the crib.

Adam is rocking her to sleep tonight. I have a few minutes to myself, but I can't stop thinking about what is happening in her room. I can hear his voice carry through the slight crack I left in the door and down the hall. He is singing to her and it is one of the sweetest sounds. My heart melts. Instead of soaking in these moments of "me time" I'm picturing him holding her tight to him, rocking back and forth, her eyes fixate on the circles of her curtain and then slowly close. She must be sleeping now because the singing has stopped. All I can hear now is the hum of the refrigerator and the tap tap of my keyboard. I bet she looks so beautiful laying there in his arms. And I bet that he is thinking the same thing.